I dedicate this little space for thoughts about my work, intercultural communcation, intercultural competence, conflict management and female expats.
As some of you already noticed - around 13 years i started to work as dance instructor for women. My focus was lap dance, floor dance, chair dance as well burlesque. I taught woman to get more playful and get free from the idea for being seductive only for men BUT for themself. I taught women to celebrate every move they make and enjoy every inch of themself. I taught women to enjoy their reflection in the mirror and to develop a natural playful charm.
I guess one of the biggest surprises while my lessons have been the awareness how much lap dance teach setting boundaries playfully.
While this time also learned a lot about mysefl. I became aware how natural and organic my connection to my feminine energy was and how challenging is for other women. So i developed over years more and more methods for women to feel free and confident to explore their femininity and senusality in a playful and safe way.
Since 2020 i work with female expats, women who work and live abroad, who startover in a foreign country and culture. Because of my natural focus and awareness for female's access to sensualitly and sexuality, i realized the lack of connection of female expats to their femininity.
Female expats have to face many challenges abroad that can be a real energy vampire and Stress is the number on killer of sensuality, lust, sexuality and of course it takes the lightness of living.
When ever i asked female expats "How about your access to your femininity?" quite often met with a deep and sad sigh.
Many female expats find themself in a 24/7 surviror-warrior-mood. Sometimes over years.
Our natural and light access to our sensuality is essential or our success abroad and in life.
Or let's say "How to make sure to make people stay away from you". You also could use those tipps make annoying people go away.
Talk a lot
... and give the other person no chance, no time and no space to connect with you, to think about what you are saying.
You know it better, always
... or let other people know that you "already know everything" about their background, without
making sure what do you 'really' know about the other person or what the other person knows about
Bomb the with your knowledge
... teach the other person about everything you know, experienced in life and who you are.
Everything in a short time and right in the beginning of getting to know each other.
Bomb them with your expertise.
Heavy & complex topics
... talk constantly about heavy and complex topics, Don't bring any lightness or playfulness in any conversation.
Gossip & Judgement
... judge and talk constantly bad about other people.
Make negative generalizing statements about cultural groups.
Not a small number of people having those behaviour and are not aware of it, but they feel the results.
What do you want people to feel when they are with you and WHAT do you want people to remember ABOUT you?
...multicultural, transcultural or who ever it will be called in future.
During my work with female expats and many discussion about the challenges that come around when you go into a foreign country with a different culture, i have experienced many people with a thinking barrier.
People feel like they have to climb a mountain until they understand the foreign culture. Many stuck in predjudgment ad judgement without knowing. "This is good and this bad".
But keep in mind. Even in your country of orgin there are also many cultures that seem to be so different from you. From town to town, village to viallage, family to family. All have different cultures, different believes, traditions, values, perspectives etc.
Keep in mind: Most people are kind people, we are just bad in dating, which means 'approaching each other'.
If you would have been born into the other family, at the other town or country, there is a chanee you would behave like them.
When you meet totally strangers, get to know them, get to know their history. Listen to their story and learn.
If you want to learn, if you really want to know, you will know.
Well, i just had another further training in intercultural communication and mediation. While this online class someone made a screenshot and i realised my facial expression while i was listening to the lesson. Well, a face that could provoke the next conflict. Good to be aware of. :-P
The lessons of nonviolent communication seem to be very complex and your head seem to get an overload of rules, plus the worries to say something wrong again.
Yes, it takes a lot of training to raise the awareness for useful and not that useful words. You will not learn it with a book. You learn it by usage and a coach, who make you aware of mistakes.
Yes, it's challenging when you know how much just one small word can change the whole dynamic while a conversation or arise a conflict.
At the beginning of the training it feels like you walking on broken glass or a mine field.
The most important hint to me was "nonviolent communication is an attitude", a lifestyle, a mindset.
I guess i have started to learned "no judgement" more than 13 years ago, when i started my professional career and education as actress.
As an well educated actress you know "there is no good or bad" or "One man's terrorist is another man's freedom fighter, same coin, different sides". The actors (should) never play a good or a bad person. We all have objectives, to satisfy our needs. We biography taught us how to resolve conflicts. Some resolutions are useful, some are not that useful.
Not a small number of people are not even aware that they judge people or situations and call them at the same time "open-minded".
Well , i am well trained in "no judgement" when it comes to my work. I would lie if is say i never judge as private person but i am aware of it and change very fast my perspective.
When we are involved personally in a conflict, its very easy to lose perspective, its very easy to react. As mediator look from my so-called balcony perspective, repeat fact and ask 'clever' questions to lead you to your resolution.
If you find yourself (constantly) in conflicts i recommend you a training in conflict management with me and i bring lightness and joy back into your life.